Don’t Write It If You Don’t Mean It: Black. & Green.

Don’t Write It If You Don’t mean It:

Black. & Green.

LLJ

Copyright © 2018 LLJ

All rights reserved.

~~~

To Little Lo,

becoming all she can.

~~~

~~~

PART ONE

BLACK.

~~~

The black Woman is subject to being made invisible.

To being made a spectacle.

To receiving no warning.

To over perming, over working and under earning.

To being through.

To being sick and tired of being sick and tired.

To singing the blues.

To not being quite enough.

To giving too much.

To, on one hand, being labeled a diamond in the rough while,

on the other,

being forced into being a piece of coal because being “pretty” ain’t for us.

To being told she’s too much.

To not being tough enough.

To being told she isn’t de la creme enough.

To carrying on in spite of such.

~~~

Harriet Tubman smells like Frankincense and Myrrh

I know because I’ve laid at her feet

kissed her cheek

in my dreams.

~~~

I am the seed of those who made it,

but I borrow some of my soul from those

who chose

to go overboard.

Spirit that chases generations to come back around

Because energy can’t be destroyed;

Damned sure can’t drown.

~~~

I can hear

Afrika.

Ancient.

Present.

Calling me,

begging me,

to remember.

~~~

I am not allowed to show that I am a sentient being too,

because somehow it makes me weaker than you if I do.

You

have already been persuaded

to hate me.

But the bait you took

came off the same hook.

They took your people too.

Never having brought them back.

Our various colored skins were all sold off of the same white rack.

~~~

I have elders falling out of my seams.

This is what being full of hope

and high esteems

really means.

~~~

I do this for my Ancestors

and Predecessors

that were Lovers

and Writers

and misTOOK

for Slaves.

~~~

PART TWO

GREEN.

~~~

For those of us

working to be more light-filled than

hand-held.

It’s a full-time job deciphering this life

from what’s real.

I’m constantly reminding myself not to take

the blue pill.

Setting reminders on my phone to stay

grounded and to take time to be still.

To meditate.

For my Heaven’s sake.

Being aware vs being awake.

Asking ethereal beings for guidance on the

next step to take.

At our fingertips, things the ancestors

couldn’t do.

So it’s only right that we ask for their light

to shine through.

Take our talents seriously,

knowing that they

are the Universe’s gifts to we.

Figuring it out as you go gets easy—

once you remember who sent you.

Who sent you?

Who’s in you?

Who am I,

starting with releasing who I am not.

This existence can put you under a lot.

Make it hard to see

or to be free with

all the varying degrees

of reality

on top.

You gotta take time to sort through

your own mess

and karmic debt.

Big part of incarnating lies in just resolving that.

I been

shedding false self like dead skin

like I don’t wanna have no skin left.

Trying to get to a level of consciousness

so clear that it’s see through.

Though the strivings may be stressful

Passion is always simple.

Compassion is elemental.

No matter what they tell you,

watch how far love will get you…

Follow your intuition because your soul knows more than your mental.

Balancing your feminine and masculine is essential.

You need me and I need you–

Don’t try to do it alone because none of us were meant to.

~~~

I am tired of scrolling.

I am tired of searching.

I am tired of profiling.

I am tired of following.

Tired of the tags.

Tired of the mis-texts.

Tired of the subs.

Tired of the typos.

I am tired of status.

I am tired of location.

I am tired of broken links.

I am tired o—

Tired of t—

Tired of th—

Tired of click here for a free—

Tired of the scams.

I am tired of glare.

I am tired of counting time.

I am tired of quoting.

I am tired of filtering.

Postingrequestinginvitingerasingoverridingblockingcrashinglosingfiles

Filtersfakesmilescyberthugsvirusesglitchesposers

~~~

Woman.

-A Complete Sentence

~~~

The Universe is in a constant state of flux.

Change.

Growth.

Motion.

Now can you see what we are?

~~~

Hold a shell to your ear.

What do you hear?

Some say it is The Ocean

and others believe it is The Blood in your veins.

I implore you: Is there a difference?

Do each not pulse with a rhythm,

while carrying and sustaining life?

Are both not capable of raising up and crying out to the moon?

~~~

Dragonflies Dashing

Koi are kissing their own kind

Sun on soul and skin.

~~~

When writing

you can pull words out of the wood paneling

and sentences from the spackled plaster ceiling

you were staring at.

Were they always there?

~~~

~~~

AFTERWARDS… (AFTERWORD)

~~~

So.

I came to a solid first draft and deleted the file by accident. This was a labor of love. I truly hope something in these e-pages resonated with you. Thank you for journeying with me.

I wish to give my images more substance and I want my words to be visualized. This is an attempt at such. The poems were written between February 2016 and May 2018. The pictures were taken in Brooklyn August 2018. Upon having the thought to combine the two, the sense of purpose I felt drove me to completion. I look forward to getting a better camera.

‘Don’t Write It If You Don’t Mean It’ will continue with “Red. & Nude.”, a collection of poems AND personal essays, this Winter. This is all in effort to make room in my heart and mind for new material. I made clear my intention to write and feel that I must literally release the old to welcome the new. I lost quite a few of my writing books in storage a few weeks ago, so this will be easier than previously thought. Silver linings.

Connect with me online and let’s catch up in the real world. I have created a Writer’s Guild and look forward to adding Writers of Color to that safe space. I look forward to hearing from you.

Warmly,

L. Valentine (Lauren A. Jones)

Facebook.com/lauren.a.jones509

IG: @_What.ever.Lola.Wants_

~~~